Hello -- I have questions!
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
If a pig loses its voice,
is it disgruntled?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee breaks?'
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use - toothpicks?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we
supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
Is it true that you
never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
Why, why, why do we press harder on the remote
control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee due to insufficient
funds when they already know you're broke?
Why is it that when someone tells you that there
are one billion stars in the universe you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint you have to touch it to check?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets
with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why did Kamikaze pilots wear
Whose cruel idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp"?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that, no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people run over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it and then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
How do those dead bugs get into the enclosed light fixtures?
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
Why, in winter, do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
And... A FAVORITE:
The statistics on sanity say that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think
of your three best friends. If they're OK, then it's you!
REMEMBER, a day without a smile is like a day without sunshine!
And a day without sunshine is, like...........night!!!!
Now, stop laughing long enough to forward this onto somebody else who could also use a good chuckle!!
Did you know that Maxine is written by a man?
When Hallmark launched Shoebox in 1986, nobody knew that the crabby character gracing the covers of a few Shoebox cards would become a celebrity. But it didn’t take long to see that Maxine’s irreverent
quips about aging, the workplace, retirement, political correctness, and of course sex (or the lack of it) had struck a chord.
Since then, Americans have purchased more than 220 million Maxine greeting cards, and Maxine is still the first and only greeting card character to move from the card aisle into popular culture.
Perpetually one of Hallmark’s top-performing characters, today Maxine has her own books, comic strip, calendars, and website. Her likeness—and attitude—have also appeared on everything from t-shirts to paper
John Wagner—or “Arty-Boy”
as Maxine likes to call him—says Maxine was inspired by his mother, his maiden aunts and his grandmother, the woman who bought him art lessons when "fill in the pumpkins" was about the extent of his art classes at St. John's Catholic School he attended
in Leonia, N.J. John remembers doodling as a preschooler, and says both his grandmother and his mother encouraged his artistic interests. He eventually attended the Vesper George School
of Art in Boston, and landed at Hallmark as part of a new artists group.
But it was the birth of the humorous Shoebox Greetings (a tiny little division of Hallmark) in 1986 that added a
new dimension to John's professional life. The Shoebox way of seeing the world unleashed his talents and he created Maxine.
"Cartoonists are sensitive to the insanities of the world; we just try to humanize them," John says. "If Maxine can get a laugh out of someone who feels lonely or someone who is getting older and hates the thought of another birthday, or if she can
make someone chuckle about stressful interpersonal relationships, then I'm happy. Putting a smile on someone's face is what it's all about."
Those smiles have led to Maxine's becoming a bit of a
celebrity. She (and John) have been the subject of media stories, including People, USA Today, Good Morning America, The Wall Street Journal, St. Petersburg (FL) Times, and Las Vegas Journal-Review, and they have been included in a major Associated Press story.
Collector and trade publications have reported that fans nationwide are collecting Maxine items. Letters from consumers and fans to John and Maxine reveal a very personal connection to Maxine. Many people say they are just like Maxine. Why the name "Maxine"?
"People at Shoebox started referring to the character as 'John Wagner's old lady,' and I knew that would get me into trouble with my wife," John says. The Shoebox team had a contest among themselves to name the character, and three of the approximately 30
entries suggested "Maxine." John says the name is perfect. John, who says he's humbled by such acceptance of Maxine, admits he's proud of her
This is the day the Lord has made, let
us rejoice and be glad in it ! Psalm 118:22